This past Sunday I celebrated my 13th year of marriage with my beautiful wife. Many have asked whether it has been a difficult journey, a simple one or both. Complicated answer is my response. In all honesty and fairness, it has been a journey full of new experiences, learning lessons and joy. A marriage is a joint journey, not one that is undertaken alone. In my opinion, the formula for success in a marriage is – compromise. Easier said than done, perhaps, but this is what makes a marriage a success.
Now before all the love fanatics go crazy, yes love is also a huge part of the equation and I am not belittling the seriousness of love – let’s just say love should be a given if you are married. If there is no love, there is no business being married because it is the foundation that everything is built upon.
Today we talk about compromise. Is compromise a negotiation? Is compromise a deal or a contract?
The answer to those questions really boil down to your particular situation. In my marriage a compromise can be seen in two ways – 1.) the subject about what is being compromised is spoke to jointly, openly and honestly and a decision is taken amongst the two of us; or 2.) an internal compromise.
Internal compromise? Yes, internal…you see I think the above mentioned idea of compromise is greatly know and taken and seen as described in bullet point 1, but not much is spoken about bullet point 2. An internal compromise is key to the success of any marriage. And how exactly do you come to an internal comprise you may ask…well let me try to explain.
An internal compromise is reached and obtained by fully knowing your partner. Knowing what can go wrong before it actually does. Understanding the “boiling points” of your marriage – those internal combustion items that can cause an immediate explosion! Even more importantly, being able to identify the above mentioned ‘internally’ – yes in your mind – and actually having the discipline to listen to yourself and avoid those situations. This has now become an internal compromise with yourself.
An internal compromise means self sacrifice, making a decision that may not be popular for yourself but popular for your love – these internal compromises are not shared…that is why they are internal. They are kept between yourself and that little voice in your head. That little voice that at times we need to do a better job of listening to…😃
Marriage has a lot of journeys and adventures. Many ups & downs. It will be full of great times, good times and not so good times. A marriage is held together by the unity of two individuals under one God with one love. It takes work. It needs to be managed. It needs to be nourished and attended. Marriage is the ultimate gift God has bestowed upon us.
Take care of your spouse and compromise – both jointly and internally!
“Marriage: Love is the reason. Lifelong friendship is the gift. Kindness is the cause. Til’ death do us part is the length.”
-Fawn Weaver
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